I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
