it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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