It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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