Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
