I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
