I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
