i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
