I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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