i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
