Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
