U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
