I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
