so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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