Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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