The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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