I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
