Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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