Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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