i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
