hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
