He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
