I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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