I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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