no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
