She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize