you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
