Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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