very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
