Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
