Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
