My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
