He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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