i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
