you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize