Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
