He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
