the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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