i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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