so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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