I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
