i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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