THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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