Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
