he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
