my mouth tastes like poor choices
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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