these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Say something about gay babies.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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