Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently you make a good broom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
