Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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