well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
