what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
