My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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