Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
