Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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