you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
