turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
