it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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