I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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