my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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