We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
