Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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