yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
