i just google imaged poop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
