If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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