go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
